bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
my being single is dangerous.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
