I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
