this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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