I got chris browned last night
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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