I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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