the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
