I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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