Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
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I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
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I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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