Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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