whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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