Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
