if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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