Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
