I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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