Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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