Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
