ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So vagazzling was a success
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
