he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
