Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
