i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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