We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
