you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I didn't notice because vodka
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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