I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
