At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
