Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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