That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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