the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
third nipple confirmed
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Randomize
