A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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