i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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