i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
