Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
