I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
