Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Can you bring me the toilet please
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
soo... how was my night?
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