Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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