nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
