is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
