The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
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I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
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I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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