I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
