I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
