just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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