I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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