I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
