Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
