so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
