my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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