my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
