just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
