Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
