How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
