Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize