i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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