Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
