you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
