this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
