I feel great
I just peed on a car
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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