You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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