best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
