dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
