craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
