Best friends brother. Beat that.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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