i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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