I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
