he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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