ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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