Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
50% drunk capacity currently
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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