Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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