who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
