Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We just shotgunned beers for America
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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