I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
